Life with toddlers is full of surprises. Why does “no” become the main word of the child at some point? And how to deal with it?
Question. Hello. My daughter is 2 years and 2 months old. For the last month she has not wanted anything - neither to eat, nor to dress, nor to bathe. He does not want to go outside, then he does not want to return home from the street. Generally uncontrollable. This makes me feel really bad, I feel like I'm doing something wrong, that I'm a bad mom, etc. Even though I help with homework and turn to editius.com/proofread-my-paper/ for help And it only helps for a short time. Inside, I feel like my authority is being undermined. It seems like she doesn't care about me, and I just drop things and stop going for a walk. And the tantrums in the stores because of a trifle ... terrible. Everyone is looking at you, and she is lying on the floor. How is this all fixed?
Answer. The reason for this behavior of the child lies on the surface: this is the standard crisis of three years, the stage when the child moves from dependence to counter-dependence. And this is a completely normal reaction. The child checks the boundaries, tests the strength of the prohibitions of the mother - this is how the child learns to understand the rules and prohibitions.
Mom's task in this situation is to be reliable, consistent, demanding, authoritative, but at the same time soft and accepting.
The situation when a mother feels bad is absolutely understandable. Of course, it is unpleasant for her to see and hear all this - and especially to experience all this when others are looking at you, as in the situation with the store.But nevertheless, it is important to maintain a firm, reliable position and gently show the invincibility of one's bastions and demands.
It is very important to understand the needs of the child - to see what he wants, what he does not agree with. Already now you need to see in the girl a small, but a person who has her "Wishlist", desires and protests. Protest behavior at this age is quite normal.
The child enters the first stage of an attempt to separate from the parents
In a situation where a mother says: "I'm throwing things," her, mother's, children's part turns on. It is she who protests against the childish behavior of the child. And, it turns out, they communicate like two little girls, according to the principle “you are no longer my girlfriend, you are no longer my friend.”
Yes, mom wants to react like this - these emotions are absolutely understandable. But the mother at this moment must turn on her adult part, her understanding mother, and gently, calmly and very consistently invite the child to do what they agreed on. This will be the same behavior within the boundaries - respectful both for oneself and for the interlocutor - which the child at this age begins to actively learn.